no, he came in my armpit
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
