Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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