i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
