So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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