dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
