So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
