i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
