his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
