this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
