just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
