ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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