Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
