i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
