3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
