Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
