i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
