I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We need to get me chipped asap
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize