HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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