I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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