that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
