btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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