i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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