After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
