his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
