I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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