I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it hurts more in the daytime
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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