I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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