Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
