We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
