I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize