dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
