I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
