She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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