I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
