The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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