he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
