a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
