I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
