Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize