the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize