So drunk its hurt
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
