I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
