Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
