Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
