I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
