Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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