I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
