Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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