drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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