ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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