Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
