Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
