I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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