I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
