i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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