It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize