Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
