Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
