you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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