Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
