there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
