I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
