He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
