After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The air taste purple.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
