my being single is dangerous.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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