Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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