I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
