I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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