My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
