I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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