i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize