i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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