Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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