found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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